


Speak every man the truth

by Lise



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (forced) - Freeform, Angst, Aphrodisiacs, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Baggage, Explicit Sexual Content, Extremely Dubious Consent, Fucked Up, Grandthorki Day, Incest, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not Canon Compliant, POV Loki (Marvel), Sakaar (Marvel), Sibling issues, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thor and Loki Have Issues and the Grandmaster Is Not Helping, Truth Serum, this is the pit where i have chosen to live
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:40:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: The Grandmaster thinks Thor and Loki have a communication problem, and he has just the solution. Or, the one with the truth serum, but it doesn't stop there.





	Speak every man the truth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Loxxlay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loxxlay/gifts).

> Back again! It's been a while, but that's partly because this one took me so goddamn long to write and then it was..."well, I might as well time this for Grandthorki Day, mightn't I?" So here I am, bearing some hot dubious nonsense. As usual, dedicated to [Echo](http://loxxxlay.tumblr.com), who enables all my worst impulses. This was based on two separate prompts that I smashed together. 
> 
> To reiterate those warnings: this fic has rape/non-con (between Thor and Loki), _extremely_ dubious consent (with Loki/Grandmaster), to the point that it could be noncon, ymmv, nonconsensual drug use, and a whole _assload_ of issues. Mind the gap.
> 
> That being said, I feel I should note that this fic ended up being like...75% family issues and only 25% porn.
> 
> Oh yeah, and forgot to note: the title of this fic comes from a Bible verse. The full quote (Zechariah 8:16-17) runs: "These are the things that you shall do: speak every man the truth with his neighbor. Execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates, and let none of you devise evil in your hearts against his neighbor, and love no false oath: for all these are things that I hate," says the LORD."
> 
> That is a thing that I chose to do.

The Grandmaster had him spread out on a bed, a gag in his mouth, and was on his third round of fucking Loki when he said, “you know, I think I’ve figured out what your problem is.”

_Oh, _Loki thought, in the corner of his mind that wasn’t wrung out and preoccupied by the Grandmaster’s lazy thrusts, the near agonizing sensitivity of his well-used ass. _That doesn’t sound good._

He paused. “Aren’t you going to ask what your problem is?”

Loki made a noise to remind the Grandmaster that he _couldn’t _ask. Or partly that; the other half was the Grandmaster’s pulling his hips up to shift the angle of his thrusts, sending a fresh jolt all the way up Loki’s spine. 

“Oh,” the Grandmaster said, with a little laugh. “Right. Okay, we’ll pretend you asked. Your _problem, _sweetheart, is that you’re an absolutely _terrible _communicator.” 

_What does that mean, _Loki thought wildly, though it really was difficult to think too clearly, even if it seemed very important that he figure out what _problem _the Grandmaster was referring to. With him - with him it really could be _anything. _

“You just don’t - mm, hang on - you’re not good at saying what you’re really - oh, _there _we go - _thinking. _And that’s, that’s-”

The Grandmaster thrust hard into him, stiffened, and let out an explosive breath. Loki went limp with relief, his own body well past the point of being capable of arousal. “Woof,” the Grandmaster said, and patted his ass as he pulled out. “Ve-ry nice. As usual.” 

Loki closed his eyes like that would somehow make the shame and, worse, _pride _somehow less. 

“Anyway,” the Grandmaster said, climbing off the bed and moving away, “I was saying. I mean - I mean, I feel like I’ve figured you out, Lo-lo. I know how to take care of you, right?” Loki was glad that, for once, he didn’t have to answer. “Took some guessing, though, and you playing hard to get, and...well, anyway. That’s all fine, all good, I love a challenge. But not _everyone _feels that way.” 

If Loki could have, he would have told him to _get to the Norns-damned point already._ But the Grandmaster seemed to be enjoying the opportunity to monologue. Or maybe had forgotten again that Loki was gagged.

“Take your brother,” the Grandmaster said, and Loki stopped breathing. 

“Thor, right? Sparkles?” Loki heard the sound of water being poured - or, probably not water. “He’s a - well, he doesn’t have _your, _ah, charming personality. We had a talk-”

_No, _Loki thought wildly. _Oh no. _

“-and he definitely needs some, uh - well. You took some training too, didn’t you? And anyway, I was just - some of the things he said! I was just _shocked. _Did you know he had no idea that you were the reason he’s not a contestant? None at all.” 

Of course he hadn’t. Loki hadn’t told him. Loki hadn’t told him because _he hadn’t wanted Thor to know._

“I get the sense that there’s - that there’s a whole lot of _history _here,” the Grandmaster said. He walked over and sat down next to Loki on the bed, using his ass as an armrest. “And a lot of, you know, _bad feelings._ But if it were up to you - I bet if it were up to you you’d never say a _word._”

The Grandmaster drummed his fingers on Loki’s flank. “So that’s what I mean about - _communication. _You know - you know, I’ve got a brother.” 

_He has my sympathies._

“I get it,” the Grandmaster said. “Family’s _hard. _For sure. But you’ve just got to be _honest _with each other. Really - um, really open _up._ You hear me, sweet thing?”

Loki managed to make a sort of “mmf” noise.

“What - oh! Oh, _right, _silly me,” the Grandmaster said, and deftly undid the gag. Sodden with his spit, it dropped limply to the sheets, and Loki worked his jaw a moment before speaking. 

“I...hear you,” he said carefully, rolling to his side, wondering if he dared reach for some clothes. 

“Good! Good.” The Grandmaster beamed at him. “I’m glad. I knew you’d understand.” 

Loki’s face froze. _Understand what, _he thought, suddenly having the awful sense that he’d agreed to something without realizing that he had. He went back over the Grandmaster’s words, but he couldn’t hear a request, or even really a _question. _

“I just want you to be _happy, _Lo,” the Grandmaster said. Loki dredged up a smile. 

“I know,” he said. “And I’m _very _grateful.” 

“I bet you are,” the Grandmaster said, and kissed him, pushing him slowly down onto his back. 

When he pulled away his eyes were gleaming, and Loki’s still unsteady breathing snagged. “Grandmaster,” he said weakly, and he laid one finger on Loki’s lips.

“Don’t speak,” he said. “I know just what you’re thinking. And the answer is yes.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I wasn’t thinking I’d indulge again, but for you…”

Loki bit his tongue and dropped his head back, giving himself over to the Grandmaster’s hands. He couldn’t do anything else.

* * *

Thor was waiting for him when Loki returned to the rooms they shared, his expression thunderous. “You didn’t tell me you’d made a deal with that madman.”

“No,” Loki said. “I didn’t.” 

“What did you give him?”

“Is that any concern of yours?” 

His jaw clenched. “I would say so,” Thor said, tone darkening further. Loki just stared at him for a couple moments, then snorted.

“And I would disagree,” he said, proud of the smoothness in his own voice. “And further advise against any more casual conversations with the Grandmaster.”

“Concerned about what he might tell me?” Thor asked. 

“Say rather concerned about what disaster you might bring down on your head, and by extension mine,” Loki said. “I do not trust you to mind your tongue.” 

Thor did not quite sputter indignantly, but he came rather close. “_You _don’t trust _me?_”

“To mind your tongue, yes,” Loki said. He poured himself a half-glass of liquor of indeterminate origin, sniffed it, and then tossed back half. “You are not exactly the soul of discretion when you’re annoyed, and the Grandmaster is very good at annoying people.”

Thor looked like he wanted to grind his teeth. “I can control myself.” Loki scoffed, and Thor’s fists clenched. “I _can. _I have controlled myself with you, have I not? I’ve refrained from strangling you.”

Loki was glad he wasn’t looking at Thor so his brother couldn’t see the twitch of his expression. That stung, more than it should have, and he brushed it aside as quickly as he could. “And I applaud your restraint. But let’s not test it further, shall we?” 

Thor made a sound like a dragon about to breathe fire. “_You _test me.” 

Loki spun on his heel. “Would you rather I’d left you to die?” he snapped. “I might have. It would certainly have been _easier._”

Thor opened his mouth and then visibly reined himself in. Loki turned from him again with a ‘tch’ sound and stared moodily out the window at the dubious view. “No,” Thor said at length and slightly more moderately. “Of course not. I am...grateful.”

“I’d believe that more if it didn’t sound like you were chewing a lemon when you said it.” 

“Loki, please,” Thor said, his voice touched with exasperation. And then more carefully, “surely you can appreciate that I don’t like being kept in the dark. And that it makes me - _uneasy - _when there are things you won’t tell me.”

“Out of curiosity,” Loki said, “what is it you think I am keeping from you? What sort of nefarious offering do you think I made the Grandmaster?”

“I don’t know,” Thor said, with exaggerated patience. “That is rather the trouble.” 

“Surely you have something in mind,” Loki said silkily. “To be so alarmed by the mystery.” 

Thor’s jaw set. “I don’t know what to expect of you anymore, Loki,” he said, but for all his expression he didn’t sound angry anymore. Just tired. 

_I cannot hope to know the depths of your depravity, _Loki heard, and both wanted to snarl at Thor and slink into the shadows where he couldn’t be seen. For an excruciating moment he was aware of how he would look in his brother’s eyes (filthy, degraded, weak) and felt sick. He swallowed the rest of the liquor he’d poured along with bile.

“I suppose you’ll just have to go on wondering, then,” he said. “_Trust _me,” and gave Thor a wide and horribly insincere smile.

* * *

Loki spent the next couple of days in a state of restless dread.

Something was coming. He knew that much - the Grandmaster had some sort of plan, and he only did not know what it might be. He doubted it would be anything pleasant, though. Or worse, it might be very pleasant indeed. 

He also avoided Thor as much as possible, and did not talk to him when he couldn’t avoid him. He could feel Thor’s seething anger gradually building, and awaited the breaking storm with some anticipation.

Thor’s temper was a less unnerving prospect than the Grandmaster’s dubious intentions, and the more time passed without a summons, where the parties he attended were limited to a casual hand on his back or a brief caress of his face, the more Loki’s anxiety mounted.

He was almost tempted to _force _the issue with Thor, just to break some of the tension.

Unfortunately, the Grandmaster’s dubious intentions beat Thor’s temper. 

“What is this,” Thor asked, brandishing a note in Loki’s face. His eyes crossed trying to read it, but the smell gave away the sender easily enough. 

“A message, it seems,” he said smoothly, though his heartbeat immediately quickened.

“I _know _that,” Thor growled. “_Read it._”

Loki took the note. It wasn’t long, but it said enough. _Dearest: I’ve been thinking about what we discussed and I’ve got a fantastic idea of how I can help. Bring your brother to my suite on the twentieth floor this evening and let’s see if we can’t sort some things out._

Saliva flooded Loki’s mouth and he swallowed hard, his eyes flickering from _fantastic idea _to _bring your brother _to _sort some things out. _His stomach sank into his heels, raw dread taking its place.

“It seems clear enough,” he said, and was astonished by how calm and steady his own voice sounded.

“What does he mean, ‘what you discussed,’” Thor said, less question than demand. Loki folded the note crisply and set it down rather than crumpling it as he wanted to. 

“I couldn’t possibly say,” he lied. “The Grandmaster says a great many things. I ignore most of them.”

“It sounds as though it had something to do with _me. _Does that jog your memory?” Thor’s voice was tense, and Loki realized that it wasn’t just anger he could hear, but anxiety as well. So he knew this wasn’t good. That was either a mercy - at least he would be braced for it, whatever _it _was - or would just make everything worse.

“I’m afraid not,” Loki said. “I prefer _not _to discuss you, actually.” 

Thor made a sound that was not quite a growl. “If you had to _guess._”

“When it comes to the Grandmaster, I find it generally better not to,” Loki said, and as Thor’s expression flickered, eyes narrowing, wanted to curse.

“You’re nervous,” he said. 

“Only about the possibility that you’ve done something to jeopardize our safety,” Loki snapped, but Thor did not look deterred.

“You know more than you’re saying. Concerning what this is about.” 

“And if I do?” Loki tried to make it defiant. “Just follow my lead and try to keep your mouth shut. I know how to handle him.”

“Do you?”

Loki hissed. “_Yes,_” he said. “What do you think I’ve been doing? How do you think we are both still _alive?_” Thor’s eyes narrowed further and Loki wanted to curse. They were treading too near things he didn’t want Thor to know. Though he probably would, by the end of tonight. His shame laid bare for Thor’s judgment.

_Did you really think you could keep him ignorant forever? _

“Loki…”

“Just do as I say,” Loki interrupted. “And I’ll see to getting us both through whatever he has planned unscathed.” _Unlikely._ “And don’t...whatever he does, don’t lose your temper.” 

Thor did not look pleased. But he did look thoughtful, his brain working behind his eyes, and it concerned Loki that he could not be certain what he was thinking. “I can keep my temper,” he said. “Though it would be easier if you told me the truth.” 

Loki tried to think. A little bit of truth...it might be better for Thor to be somewhat prepared. But what was he supposed to _say? _“I have.” 

Thor looked a mixture of frustrated and disappointment. “Of course you have,” he said, voice sour. 

“Just be ready,” Loki said. “And-”

“Yes,” Thor snapped. “Follow your lead, and keep my mouth shut. I heard you the first time.” 

This, Loki thought miserably, was going to be a disaster. 

Which was, of course, exactly what the Grandmaster wanted.

**

To Loki’s profound relief, the room to which he and Thor were guided to meet the Grandmaster was not just a glorified bedroom, or bathhouse, or one of the Grandmaster’s many ‘playrooms.’ It was, to all appearances, a relatively ordinary sitting room, sumptuously furnished in the Grandmaster’s rather dubious style.

His tension unwound a notch. A very small notch. Perhaps if he navigated this situation carefully there might still be a way of getting them both out of it unscathed. It was a slim hope, but he was going to hold on to it. He was that much of a fool.

“What is this,” Thor asked lowly.

“What do you think,” Loki said, which wasn’t an answer, and the way Thor glared at him said as much. His expression shifted into a frown quickly, though, turning slowly as though he might glean some hint of the Grandmaster’s plans. Loki could have told him it was pointless. There were rooms like this all over the tower. 

Loki had been fucked in many of them.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” he said, carefully honest. “It could be anything. And he wants us off balance and unprepared.”

Thor muttered something that sounded like _it’s working. _Then after a moment said, “I would like to trust you, Loki.”

“But you don’t,” Loki said, unable to entirely iron the bitterness from his voice. 

“Is that unfair?” 

“You are asking me if I am trustworthy?” Loki said. He barked a laugh. “Ask anyone, Thor. I am sure they’d be happy to give you an answer.” 

Thor sighed. “Loki…” Oh, that tone was familiar. Faintly exasperated, _see reason, Loki, _which usually meant _why won’t you agree with me, Loki._

“Knock, knock,” the Grandmaster said, and swept inside before Loki could say anything. He snapped his mouth shut and summoned a smile, turning toward him.

“Grandmaster,” he said. “Thank you for your generous invitation.” He felt the look Thor shot him, and ignored it. “We were flattered to receive it.” 

“Oh, you sweet talker, you,” the Grandmaster said. He tapped the side of Loki’s jaw with a finger. “The things that come out of that mouth of yours. Just - mm, delicious.” 

Loki could feel his face heating and hoped desperately that no flush showed. The Grandmaster laughed before he could answer, and caught his hand, kissing the backs of his fingers. “But - I get you all the time, sweetheart. Let’s, um - I’m really hoping to get to know Sparkles a bit better. The mysterious brother. Loki won’t tell me _anything _about you.”

Thor looked stiff and rigid, but he just said, “Really?” 

“Really really,” the Grandmaster said. “No fooling. Not that - not that our Lo is forthcoming in general, is he? Talks so much but doesn’t say a thing. Not _really._” 

Loki’s stomach sank. Thor’s eyes darted toward him, narrowed slightly, then moved away. “You think so?” he said. 

The Grandmaster cocked his head. “You wouldn’t agree?” he asked. “You don’t - mm, you don’t find him...uncommunicative?”

“Grandmaster,” Loki said, “I’ve always been perfectly open with you.” 

“Ha,” the Grandmaster said. “_Haven’t _you,” and waggled his eyebrows. Loki flushed, and the Grandmaster grinned at him and then said, “but - not what I meant, sweetheart.” Thor’s eyebrows were drawn downwards, and he was looking at Loki and then the Grandmaster, and if he hadn’t put it together already he was going to very soon. “Well, Sparkles? What do you think?” 

“Loki is...a very private person,” Thor said, which was probably the most tactful agreement he could give. Loki was almost impressed. 

“Oh, for sure,” the Grandmaster said. “Very...modest. Retiring.” He winked in Loki’s direction. “I bet you wish he’d open up sometimes, though.”

“I suppose,” Thor said, uncomfortably. Loki could have hissed at him, but the Grandmaster clapped him on the back and beamed. 

“I knew it,” he said. “Well. We’ll see what we can do about that. Now - drinks, anyone?”

Loki knew better than to try to refuse. And he had a nasty, creeping suspicion that liquor wasn’t going to be the only thing in his. Still, he tried to relax and held his smile. 

At least he had plenty of practice.

* * *

“So,” the Grandmaster said, “tell me about yourself.” 

They were all sitting in a loose semicircle, Loki sharing a loveseat (_ha_) with the Grandmaster while Thor had his own chair. Loki was trying very hard not to make too much of the arrangements.

Thor glanced at Loki very briefly. “You know I am from Asgard,” he said. “I am a prince there.” That was one of the pieces of information Loki might have withheld, had it been possible. But Thor had spilled it before he could tell him not to. 

“I don’t need you to tell me what I already know, hon,” the Grandmaster said. “I was hoping for something new. Give me something juicy.”

Thor frowned very slightly. “Juicy.”

“You know - hot gossip. Scandalous stories. Something..._interesting._”

Loki took a cautious sip of his drink - it tasted like citrus, with a slight edge of spice, and so far he hadn’t noticed any...additional effects. “You could tell him about,” he started to say, but the Grandmaster reached out and laid a finger on his lips.

“Shh, sweetcheeks, I wasn’t asking you. I want to hear from your handsome brother. It’ll be your turn later.” 

Loki swallowed hard and turned his eyes on Thor, who was looking at them again - looking at _him, _with narrowed eyes. Loki could see the warning signs of his temper. _He knows, _Loki thought with resignation. He tried desperately to communicate _later, whatever you’re going to say, say it later, you can shout at me as much as you like but for the Norns’ sake not now._

Thor’s eyes wrenched away from him like he couldn’t look at Loki anymore. “I do not know that any of my stories would be very interesting to you, Grandmaster.” 

“Nonsense,” the Grandmaster said. “Goodness _gracious. _This isn’t a test you have to pass, you know. You can say anything at all.” He sipped noisily at his drink, his eyes fixed attentively on Thor. 

“There was a time when I was young that I tried to capture a pair of flesh-eating goats,” Thor ventured. The Grandmaster made a sort of ‘oooh’ sound.

“Did you manage it?”

“Eventually.” Another time, Loki might have smiled, remembering the utter fool Thor had made of himself. Just now, he didn’t have the heart.

“I bet that impressed the ladies,” the Grandmaster said, arching his eyebrows. “And...everyone else, right?”

Thor looked uncomfortable. “I suppose.”

“He _supposes. _A snack like you...I can’t imagine they weren’t swooning all over you. Must’ve been fun.”

Thor’s eyes strayed away from the Grandmaster. “I was young,” he said, like an excuse.

“I’ve heard Asgardians have a _wild _streak. Not that I’d know.” He winked broadly, and Loki tossed back the rest of his glass, careless of what it might do to him. One way or another the Grandmaster would have his way; there was no real point in putting it off.

He wished he knew what ‘his way’ was, just now, but he’d resigned himself to it being a surprise.

“What about you and Lo?” the Grandmaster said. “I bet you got up to all kinds of...shenanigans. Am I right?” 

Thor still wouldn’t look at him. “Some.” 

“Oh, come _on. _Peas in a pod with the - with the not talking, aren’t you?” The Grandmaster turned toward Loki. “I _swear. _Maybe I should’ve...but no. Another drink, honey?”

Loki hunted down a smile. “Why not.” 

“Why not, in_deed,_” the Grandmaster said, and patted his knee before he stood up and went over to the bar. 

Finally Thor looked at him. His jaw tightened. Loki just looked coldly back at him. 

The Grandmaster returned shortly, handing Loki the drink. He sat down with his arm across the back of the couch, fingers almost brushing Loki’s shoulder. “So,” he said. “I was going to, hm, wait a bit before getting to the _real _reason I wanted to see you two tonight, but it seems like...well, see, Sparkles, it’s like this. It’s _obvious _that the two of you - the two of you’ve got _issues._ A great big pile of them. Positively _heaping._”

A slow dread began to coil in Loki’s stomach, burning like acid. He tried to keep his expression politely attentive. Thor’s eyebrows drew together. 

“What are you getting at,” he said, just on the edge of what would be an acceptable tone. The Grandmaster smiled at him.

“I’m so glad you asked!” The Grandmaster leaned forward. “You - I’m just guessing, here, but the two of you used to be close, am I right?” 

Loki swirled the liquid in his glass and said, “only as much as adopted siblings ever are,” before Thor could say anything. The look Thor cast him was, of all things, _hurt. _Loki ignored it, but the Grandmaster, of course, didn’t.

“Not what you’d say, handsome?” he said. “Feel like Loki’s, um, underselling it?”

Thor shifted. His jaw tightened. “Does it matter?” 

“Of _course _it matters,” the Grandmaster said. “I just - I’m just all about bringing people together, you know? And it breaks my heart to see such a, ah, beautiful bond in such a state. So...so. I’m going to help you two _communicate._”

Loki’s entrails twisted into a full-on knot. “That’s very kind of you,” he said, and he was not going to have a sip more of his drink, he was _not. _“But-”

“Shh, honey,” the Grandmaster said, laying a finger on his lips. “No _buts._” He looked at Thor. “I figured, you know - I figured we’d start with Lo-lo. I have a feeling that there’s a lot of things pent up in his busy brain that he’d like to say and just...can’t. Don’t you think?” 

Comprehension was dawning on Thor’s face and he started shaking his head. “If Loki doesn’t want to speak-”

“Ah,” the Grandmaster said. “Sometimes - just between you and me, sometimes Lo doesn’t know what’s _good _for him. Which is why you have to give him a little _push._” He turned toward Loki, touched the base of the glass he was holding, and raised it toward Loki’s mouth. “Go on, hon. Drink up.”

Loki was beginning to feel the first drink settling in his body. “I don’t think I need a second,” he said.

“Shh,” the Grandmaster said. “Don’t _think. _Thinking gets you in trouble. Just relax. Let it happen.” He paused, and then smiled and said, “trust me.”

_Absolutely not,_ Loki said, but he couldn’t refuse. 

The cocktail was spicy and went down smooth. He could feel Thor watching him, eyebrows furrowed, demanding - _something, _and didn’t know what in the Nine he wanted Loki to do.

* * *

The Grandmaster knew his drugs. Whatever he’d used to spike Loki’s drink - drinks - didn’t take long to begin to show its effects. The warmth came first, starting in his belly and spreading slowly up into his chest, out into his limbs. It wasn’t quite _relaxation, _but it was a sense that things that ought to matter didn’t matter so much anymore. The Grandmaster, who had been pattering on, carrying the conversation nearly on his own since Thor was limiting his responses more or less to monosyllables while periodically glancing at Loki, turned toward him and said, “here, look at me, sweetheart, let’s see how you’re doing.” 

Loki turned his head to look at him and the Grandmaster studied his face, then smiled. “All right, then,” he said. “I think you’re...ask him a question, Sparkles.” 

Thor frowned. “What sort of question,” he said warily. 

“Any sort! Though...something personal would be good. Best if it’s something he wouldn’t usually tell you.” Thor’s expression flickered, and the Grandmaster said, “wait, I’ll go. Hey, Lo, were you ever jealous of your brother’s dashing good looks?”

Loki’s tongue tangled around a lie. “Yes,” he said. “Often. He looked like - a warrior _should, _and I-” He managed to stop himself there, though he wanted to keep talking. Or didn’t want, but he felt like he _should._

“You sell yourself short, honey,” the Grandmaster said soothingly. “You’ve got your own - mm. Assets.” He patted Loki on the shoulder and turned toward Thor. “See? Just like that. Your turn.” 

Thor shook his head. “I’d rather…”

“Ah,” the Grandmaster said. “Let’s just...think before we speak, shall we? After I’ve put in all this work to _help _the two of you...it’d be, it’d be really _hurtful _if you didn’t take advantage.” 

Thor’s jaw worked. Loki swallowed the words that bubbled up unprovoked, the urge to fill the silence by speaking of his own accord. “He won’t,” he said. “Thor doesn’t want to hear what _I _have to say.”

“Oh,” the Grandmaster said. “_Here _we go. Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“What does that mean,” Thor said.

“What I said,” Loki said. “You’ve never wanted to listen to me. You’ve never cared what I might think, or want, or - not if it didn’t suit you. And when you _did _bother to listen, you only heard what you wanted to.” 

Thor shook his head. “That’s not true,” he said.

“There,” Loki said, with bitter triumph. “You’re doing it again.” 

“I’m-” Thor cut off, looking toward the Grandmaster, who was leaning forward, rapt. “Might we at least have some _privacy?_”

“Oh, no,” the Grandmaster said. “I’m here to - to moderate. Just in case things get _rough. _But you can pretend I’m not here.” 

Loki took a few gulping breaths and clamped his lips shut. He felt as though a layer of skin was being peeled away from him. Just one, for now, but he suspected it wouldn’t stop there. 

“Now,” the Grandmaster said. “Go on, handsome. What do you have to say to Lo?” 

Thor shook his head. “I have nothing to say,” he said flatly. “I’m _listening._” He sounded angry, and that bit at something in Loki’s chest even as it fanned the anger that was rising to the surface, that he tried to keep repressed but was still there, always there, had been there for so _long._

“Now you are,” Loki said. “But it doesn’t fix everything that came before, you being - being suddenly _better, worthy, _doesn’t fix everything that came before, it doesn’t undo the years of slights and dismissals and casual cruelty, and you scarcely even _noticed. _It didn’t even _register _to you what it was like for me to always be in your shadow, to exist only inasmuch as I was an adjunct to you.”

“That’s not what it was like,” Thor said, his voice tightening. “I don’t remember-”

“And because you don’t remember it must not be true!” Loki’s voice exploded out of him, the words forcing their way up his throat like bile. “Norns forbid the Mighty Thor be _wrong!_”

He broke off, panting. The warmth was starting to shift, Loki noticed, and realized that what he’d taken for part of the - _truth serum, _whatever it was, was something else entirely. Two drinks. Two drugs. One to loosen his tongue and the other…

Loki fought it, trying to shove it down, submerge the arousal that was starting to burn, heating his blood, warming his loins. For now it was just embers, but he knew from experience that it wouldn’t stay that way.

When the Grandmaster used aphrodisiacs, he didn’t go lightly.

Something must have shown on his face, because the Grandmaster leaned a little forward. “Oh, there we go,” he said. “Part two is...you’re feeling it, aren’t you, hon? That...see, this is where it’s going to get _really _fun.” 

Thor was glancing back and forth between them, a horrible suspicion on his face. “What is,” he said warily. 

“Well,” the Grandmaster said. “It’s just something Loki drank. To spice things up a little. Wind him up a bit. Trust me. You’re going to love it. I think...I think poor Lo’s going to need a way to...release some tension when we’re done here.” 

Loki sank his teeth into his lower lip. _No, _he thought. Praying he was wrong. 

“Anyway,” the Grandmaster said. “Let’s not get distracted. Loki, you were saying?” 

Loki shuddered, fighting the desire to speak, the mounting pressure in his chest. It hurt, fighting it, but he tried anyway.

“You apologized,” he said, words breaking free like water bursting a dam. “But you didn’t - you didn’t even know _why._”

Thor’s face was tight. “You never _told _me what was wrong.” 

“I shouldn’t have had to! You should have seen, should have - but you didn’t.”

“You expect me to read your mind-”

“I expect you to have _seen _me!” Not just skin peeled back, now, but muscle, leaving nerves exposed. The embers had grown into flames and he bit his tongue so he didn’t moan, a quiver shaking his body, a faint ache, the longing to be touched. He fought that, too, but it was like trying to wade up a river in spring flood. The room felt too hot.

Thor was shaking his head. “And that makes it just?” he said. “What _you _did, to me, to Midgard-”

“This is good,” the Grandmaster said. “Very good, keep going,” and it jarred Loki to hear him. For a fraction of a moment he’d almost forgotten his presence. By the sharp way Thor glanced in his direction, maybe he had, too. His face closed off. 

“And it comes back to that, doesn’t it,” Loki said bitterly. “I committed a wrong, and therefore none of the rest of you are accountable.” 

“That isn’t-” Thor snapped his mouth closed and took a sharp breath in. 

“I loved you,” Loki said, and oh, it was like claws raking through him. “I still - I _do. _You were my brother, my friend, and I thought-” He choked on his own voice. His heart was beating too hard and too fast. “I thought, I believed, that you, you-”

_Don’t say it. Don’t, don’t._

Loki shuddered, gasped. He squeezed his eyes closed, the words dripping unwillingly from his lips: “you don’t love me.”

Thor jerked, though bound as he was he couldn’t go far. “What?”

“That’s it,” the Grandmaster murmured, and if he was trying to sound gentle he could not quite mask the glee. “Now we’re talking. Getting to the _core _of things.”

“You don’t love me,” Loki said. He clawed for control, trying to close his mouth, but the words kept coming. His face burned with humiliation. “I don’t - I don’t know if you ever have, but you certainly don’t now. And that, that burns, as it has burned since you didn’t come for me when I needed you most-”

_Stop it stop it stop it, stop talking, you don’t want to say this. _

The aphrodisiac had well and truly taken effect by now. He was sweating, overheated, desire pulsing in his belly, excruciatingly aware of his cock, the heaviness in his balls. He squirmed, gasped, “Grandmaster,” and only just managed to bite back the _please._

“Ah,” he said. “Not - none of that, sweetums. Stay focused.” 

“What do you mean,” Thor said, straining to lean forward, and his expression had changed though Loki struggled to read it. “What do you mean, when I didn’t come?” 

“I fell for such a long way,” Loki said, hating every word that was dragged out of his chest as though by a fishhook. “And when I landed, I was not alone. They found me, they pulled me apart and I was refashioned - I called for you, I _screamed _but you never came, no one ever - _ahh._”

Thor was shaking his head with a mixture of bafflement and horror, as though he didn’t know, he _must _have known. “It’s not true,” he said. “I didn’t-”

“Quiet, now!” the Grandmaster sang out. “_Loki’s _talking, Sparkles. Don’t you want to hear what he has to say? You’re finally _communicating._”

The sob caught in Loki’s chest before it came out. He threw his head back like he could crack his skull against something, knock himself senseless. “I wanted to die,” he said, despairing. “And I - I didn’t, I couldn’t, and when I saw you again you, you,” He gasped, sucking in air that didn’t seem to fully fill his lungs, growing more frantic by the second. But it all came down to that one thing: “you don’t love me,” he said again. “Anger, disgust, obligation. But not…”

_Not love._

He swayed, shuddered. The sound he made felt torn out of him and he wanted to curl up and hide, and vanish, wanted someone to touch him, wanted to burn up in a glorious inferno and die. His chest heaved, a scream building behind his teeth and melting away unvoiced. His head was ringing like a bell.

“Loki,” Thor was saying, his voice loud and desperate-sounding. “Listen to me-”

“No,” the Grandmaster said. “Shh, now, I think that’s good, I think - I think you should just _sit _there a minute, Sparkles, and, ah, process, there’s a good boy. And you, Loki, you…”

He heard the Grandmaster approach and raised his head to look up at him. His vision was blurry, and Loki realized belatedly that he thought he might be crying. Fingers ran into his hair and Loki keened faintly, knives of ecstatic relief raking through his soul. He leaned into that touch. 

“Please,” he said faintly, beyond shame. Cracked open like a broken skull, blood and brains strewn across the floor. He wanted to die. He wanted to _come._

“Now _that _sounds nice,” the Grandmaster said. “Doesn’t it? Very _good, _Loki.” His entire body flushed and he squeezed his eyes closed, desperate to hide, pleased relief washing through him for the approval. “Now...the question is. What now? What do _you _think we should do, handsome?” 

It took Loki a moment to realize that it wasn’t him being asked. His heart was racing and his head spun. 

“Let him go,” Thor said. “You’ve gotten what you wanted-”

“I don’t know,” the Grandmaster said. “Have I? I don’t know. I don’t think _Loki _has. Have you, Loki? Are you...satisfied?” 

Loki took a ragged breath. “No,” he said, the word spilling over his lips. “Never.”

“See?” the Grandmaster said amiably. “_One _of us has to look out for Lo-lo, since apparently, um, apparently _you’ve _not been doing it. I mean. Poor thing showed up here just begging to be _appreciated._” Shame squeezed like a snake around Loki’s heart, but it was distant, like everything but the raging need and the storm seething in his blood. 

“Would you _stop talking,_” Thor said, voice thick with anger.

“Maybe you should start,” the Grandmaster said. “Though I don’t...mm. I don’t know if Loki’s really in the _condition _to listen right now. I think - just a thought - I think you should do something about that. Seems like the _nice _thing to do, after Loki poured out his heart like that.”

“Because of you,” Thor said. “Because you _made _him-”

“Ah,” the Grandmaster said, and his fingers tightened in Loki’s hair, pulled. His nerves blazed and he cried out, his entire body stiffening, a terrible mix of agony and ecstasy searing through him. 

“Please please please,” he begged, tongue stumbling over the words. His heart felt like it might burst, beating too hard and too fast.

“Let’s not raise our voices,” the Grandmaster said. “There’s no reason to get _belligerent. _I’m just saying that it seems like the thing to do now would be...mmm. You want someone to touch you, sweetheart, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Loki breathed. 

“Well. You heard him, Sparkles. Don’t you want to give your _scrumptious _brother what he needs?”

“I don’t,” Thor began, and the Grandmaster cut him off.

“Really?” he said. “You’re telling me you _don’t _want to, um...cold, Sparkles, very cold. Lo was right about that _love _thing after all, hm?” 

“That’s not how it is,” Thor said, and Loki could hear the unsteadiness of his voice. “Not how _we _are.”

“Because that’s working so well, obviously,” the Grandmaster said, sounding reproachful. Loki’s thoughts kept fuzzing, going vague and blurry. “Oh, well. If that’s how you feel...I don’t want to _force _you. Plenty of other, ah...other people who’ll want a piece. I can think of, mm, five or six...why don’t you just run along and I’ll have them up? Would you like that, honey?”

Loki’s breathing hitched and he heard himself say, “no,” in a small and plaintive voice, and fear seared through him the second he said it, because he wasn’t _supposed _to say no, not to the Grandmaster.

“Goodness gracious,” the Grandmaster said. “Spoilsport. Well, we’ll figure that out. Are you still here?” 

“You said you wanted to help,” Thor’s voice said. He sounded strangely far away. “Is this helping?” 

“Well, sure,” the Grandmaster said. “It’s helping _me, _definitely. Could be helping Loki, too, though...not right now.” The Grandmaster’s thumb stroked down the side of Loki’s neck and his thoughts shorted out. 

“--do you want me to do?” Thor was saying, when sounds made sense again. He sounded anguished, like he was being torn apart. 

“_Really, _Sparkles?” the Grandmaster said. “I’d think you know how this works. Might want to, ah...do something about it soon, though. Might’ve gone a _wee _bit strong on the dosage.”

That seemed like it should alarm him. Loki forced his eyes open, but his vision was blurry like he was crying, and it occurred to him that maybe he was. “Please, Grandmaster,” he whispered. 

“Ah, ah,” the Grandmaster said. “It isn’t _me _you need to ask, sweetheart. Not this time. If you want something...you’re going to have to ask your brother. Tell _him _what you want.” 

Loki choked. He shook his head, panic clawing at his chest and throat. His body trembled. “I won’t,” he said plaintively. “I won’t-”

“There, see?” the Grandmaster said. “That’s your _problem. _You just won’t ask for what you need. No communication.”

Loki let out a ragged sound. His thoughts were fracturing.

“Thor,” he said, the words dragged out of his chest with a string. “Help me.”

“Was that so hard?” the Grandmaster said. “Well, Thor? Are you going to _help?_ Sounds like he really...uh, really _needs _it.”

Loki squeezed his eyes closed. Whatever expression was on Thor’s face (revulsion, hatred, disgust), he didn’t want to see it. He curled his hands into fists, nails biting into his palms. He was burning up, and it occurred to him to wonder if he was going to die. 

It occurred to him to wonder if maybe that wouldn’t be better.

He heard Thor suck in a breath. His voice was hoarse and barely audible when he said, “what do you want me to do?” 

“Why are you asking _me?_” the Grandmaster said. “This isn’t about me, is it?” He paused. “Though I don’t think...maybe Loki’s not in much of a condition to answer. What do you think, hon?” 

His inhale trembled. He groped for words but even as he tried to form a sentence it fell apart. The arousal had passed pleasure into agony and his back arched, half seeking relief and half trying to get _away. _

“I guess it’s up to you,” the Grandmaster said, audibly amused. 

He could hear Thor’s breathing, harsh and loud. Heard him rise and approach and Loki couldn’t help it; he opened his eyes. He was still blurry but clear enough for Loki to see his face, pale and stricken and angry, and he flinched. 

“I’m sorry,” he said involuntarily, because this _should not be happening, _Thor should not be here, Thor was better than this. Thor’s mouth spasmed and his head jerked back, again like Loki’s words were a blow. 

“Don’t,” he said hoarsely, then cut off. The Grandmaster dug his thumbs into Loki’s shoulders and his eyes slammed shut again with a whine, panting, frantic, fracturing.

Hands fumbled at his pants. Thor’s hands, and he wanted to pull back but his traitorous body pushed toward that desperately needed touch, a faint cry slipping past his lips. “You know,” the Grandmaster said casually, “this would be easier if you were on your knees.” 

Loki could almost feel Thor’s anger swell and said, “Thor,” just that. It seemed it was enough of a reminder. 

And he took Loki’s aching cock in hand. The moan that issued from him sounded hopelessly obscene, his face aflame. He thrust into the hold, desperately chasing more, his body outside of his control, consumed. 

Thor’s hand on him, as familiar as his own. He felt sick. 

“I don’t want this,” Loki said, because he couldn’t not, because it was the truth, even if the truth was a dangerous thing, on Sakaar and always. 

Too bad his body didn’t care what he wanted, betraying him to its base and animal desires.

“Oh, but _I _want this,” the Grandmaster said, brushing Loki’s hair back from his face with a feather-light touch. “And isn’t that what really matters, here?”

He closed his eyes and turned his face away, swallowing a whimper. But he couldn’t hide from the tentative touch on his cock, gripping him loosely, and it wasn’t nearly enough but he bit his lips so he didn’t ask for more. 

“Come on,” the Grandmaster said, chiding. “That’s not going to do it. Honestly, haven’t - haven’t you ever done this before?”

“Don’t tell me-” Thor started to say, only to cut himself off. 

“That’s such a _dirty _word,” the Grandmaster said. “_Don’t. _Imagine, you - you telling _me _what I can and can’t do - you know what, maybe I should call this off, hmm? I mean, I’m - not actually sure what that would do to _Lo, _not getting to, ah, that _release. _Might be fun finding out. Well, for _me._”

The faint, inarticulate noise Thor made cut Loki deeply. His hand tightened and Loki cried out, thrusting up into his grip, gasping as his lungs constricted. “Please,” he gasped, without meaning to, and then sank his teeth back into his lip, sucking in air through his nose.

“Oh, hon,” the Grandmaster said. His hands settled on Loki’s shoulders, his thumbs pressing into the base of his neck. “Listen to that, Sparkles. How much he _needs _it. Are you really going to leave him hanging?” His heart was beating too hard and too fast, his chest heaving, and he couldn’t - couldn’t _think, _couldn’t focus on anything other than the pulse in his loins and the sense that he was going to explode.

Finally, _finally, _Thor’s hand started moving, the rhythm slow and a little uneven but the relief at _some _kind of stimulation was so intense he almost wept. His back arched and he grabbed for something, anything, to anchor himself, and found Thor’s arm, digging his fingers in.

“I’m sorry,” he said, just enough fragments of thought left to know that this was wrong, that Thor should not be here. “I never wanted - I never wanted you to - _ahhhhh._” 

“It’s all right,” Thor said soothingly, but his voice shook. “It’s all right, brother.”

Loki was so _close. _His whole body was shaking, straining, and the Grandmaster’s hands squeezed. “That’s it,” he said encouragingly. “That’s the spot, I think - let go, sweetheart.”

The air exploded out of his lungs and his body clenched as he came, shuddering through the overwhelming ache of it. His head spun and he went limp, his grip slackening, melting into the chair as the tension bled out of him and left him hollowed out. 

“Nicely _done,_” the Grandmaster said, but Loki didn’t think it was directed at him. His eyelids drooped and he fought to stay awake, but it was a losing battle.

“Are you done,” Thor said, his voice rough.

“Mm. Am I done?” The Grandmaster hummed. “This wasn’t about _me, _Sparkles. This was for you and your, ah, _sweet _brother. Like I told _him, _the two of you really need to...open up with each other. I mean, did you hear what he said?” He clicked his tongue. “Sounds to me like you have some _issues _to work out. Though Lo might...need a minute. Isn’t that right, kitten?” 

Loki couldn’t make his tongue work to answer. He raised his head, blinking blearily. His limbs were so heavy.

“_Ha,_” the Grandmaster said. “You see what I mean. But...look at the time. I’ve got to jet, I’m afraid. I’ll let the two of you have some _quality time _to hash things out.”

“Wait,” Thor said. The word sounded like he had to force it out. “Is Loki...whatever you drugged him with, are there aftereffects?”

“I guess you’ll just have to find out, won’t you?” the Grandmaster said brightly. “See you later, Sparkles, Lo-lo. It’s been fun.”

Loki didn’t quite whimper, only because he didn’t think he had the voice. He swallowed past the lump swelling in his throat, too dazed to really think about what had happened, what he’d said. He wanted to sleep. Wanted to sink into oblivion, and possibly never surface again.

“Loki,” he heard Thor say, his voice unsteady. It sounded like it was coming from very far away, and he had the vague sense that he ought to respond but couldn’t remember how to talk. His thoughts were a muddle. 

He didn’t want this. Any of this. 

It was a relief to let it go.

* * *

He woke up with a pounding head and a sour stomach, and the first thing he did was roll over and vomit onto the floor. It didn’t help the nausea or the headache, just left him feeling even more wretched and disgusting. 

Before he opened his eyes, Loki tired to remember what, exactly, he’d done this time. Memory was elusive, and if a part of him wanted it to remain that way - if he felt this bad, it must have _been _bad - most of him suspected he’d find out eventually and it would be better to be prepared.

“You’re awake,” said Thor, and Loki froze. 

Ah. Yes. He remembered now.

For a wild moment Loki contemplated pretending he hadn’t woken. That seemed unlikely to be convincing, however. Knowing what he couldn’t do didn’t tell him anything about what he should, though.

Loki forced his eyes open. “Evidently,” he said. His voice sounded hoarse, but at least decently level. 

Thor let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob. “_Norns,_” he said. “I thought you were never going to-” he cut off, and Loki turned his head (slowly, carefully) to find him where he was hovering, pale and wretched looking, nearby. 

“What a disappointment it must be to be proven wrong,” Loki said, mouthing the right words though there was little feeling in it. 

“Loki,” Thor said. 

“Spare me,” Loki said. He steeled himself and sat up. The world veered wildly and for a moment he thought he would retch; he managed to hold it in. 

“Be careful,” Thor admonished, and Loki gritted his teeth. 

“Stop it,” he said, voice rising. “Stop treating me like-”

“Like what,” Thor said, and his voice rose too, and it was almost a relief to hear his anger. “Like I _care?_”

Loki swallowed hard and closed his mouth, turning his face away. He didn’t want to look at Thor, didn’t want to talk to him, there was shame filling up his chest and an ache in his gut on top of the nausea and self-disgust. 

“I do not,” he said, “want to speak with you at all.” 

“Were you ever going to tell me what you - what he was doing to you?” 

“No,” Loki said bitterly. “Not if I could help it.” 

Thor’s anger beat against him. “Why not?” 

“Why-” Loki barked a hoarse laugh. “Why _would_ I? Why would I seek out my own humiliation, my own disgrace, if I could possibly avoid it?” 

“Is that what you thought I would think?”

“Isn’t that exactly what you think?” Loki demanded. “Go on, then. Tell me I disgust you. Tell me I’ve disgraced the house of Odin by whoring myself to a mad despot.” 

“I will not,” Thor said, his voice thick. “I will not - condemn you for...doing what was necessary to survive. For us both to survive.” It wasn’t a question. Loki’s stomach sunk further.

“Whatever you think you know-”

“Are you going to try to lie to me?” Thor asked. “Now? About this? After…” he trailed off. Loki wanted to be sick again, and swallowed it back with an effort.

“After what,” he said harshly. “Finish that sentence, Thor. I dare you.” 

Thor took a deep breath and visibly steeled himself. “After everything you said to me.”

Loki twisted his head away. He felt hideously exposed, stripped bare. He did not want Thor to look at him. He didn’t want _anyone _to look at him. He wanted to crawl into a deep, dark, hole somewhere and never emerge. He wondered if the Grandmaster could arrange that.

He wouldn’t want to, though. Not when he could squeeze so much entertainment from them both.

“What I said to you,” he managed, eventually, “was under duress, while I was out of my mind.”

“Was it untrue?” Thor asked. He sounded so _fragile, _like he wanted the answer to be yes. Like he would rather Loki be mad. Loki steeled himself.

“Yes,” he lied. “Of course it was. I don’t even remember what I said.”

“Then how do you know it was untrue?”

Loki jerked and looked away, cursing himself for speaking too quickly. “I remember enough.” Remembered enough, indeed. Remembered nearly vomiting words, the Grandmaster’s drug flaying his soul open for Thor’s eyes. He pushed himself to his feet and staggered toward the bathroom. Thor moved like he was about to support him and Loki snapped, “don’t.” His brother withdrew, but he didn’t look happy about it. 

Loki relieved himself, rinsed out his mouth, and glanced at his face in the mirror. He looked pale and sweaty, eyes hollow. 

Squaring his shoulders and steeling himself, Loki walked back out. He did not look at Thor. The silence between them was thick and charged, but Loki was not going to be the one to break it.

“What you said,” Thor said finally, slowly. Loki stayed silent, refusing to help him. “What happened to you after your...fall. Did you truly think that I...knew?”

So they were starting there. “What else was I to think?” Loki asked. “Asgard has an all-seeing Watchman. You may have heard of him.”

“There are places even Heimdall cannot see,” Thor protested. “You know that.”

Loki felt his lip curl. “Very few,” he said. “Was I to assume that I happened to be in one of those? Or that Asgard, having fortuitously lost its disgraced son - who was not, in fact, its son at all - had discarded me?” Thor shook his head, but Loki couldn’t stop, as though he was still drugged - but he wasn’t. It was only that an old wound had been ripped open and it was bleeding all over again. 

“I thought at first - at first I thought perhaps it was merely that I was so far. That it was just taking time. But the longer I screamed for Heimdall, for Odin, for Mother, and most of all for _you..._the harder it was to convince myself that anyone was coming. And then...how swiftly you arrived, when it was Midgard and the Tesseract at stake.” His laughter sounded awful and bitter. “You claimed that Asgard mourned. But you didn’t come for me. You came for Midgard, and for Odin’s treasure.”

Thor had gone pale. “I didn’t know,” he said. “No one did. We all believed that you were...that you had died.” 

_I wanted to, _Loki almost said. _When I let go. And then again, after I realized I was abandoned but before I broke._ He said nothing.

“You were wrong,” Thor said after a long quiet. “About my...about how I feel.”

“Don’t be maudlin, Thor,” Loki said. “It doesn’t suit you.” 

“I am not,” Thor said. “I am trying to…” He pressed his fingers to his eyes. “I am trying to correct a - misunderstanding. What you said...I do love you.”

Loki’s lips curved in a nasty smile. “Of course you do,” he said. “The Grandmaster had you prove it last night, didn’t he?” He made an obscene gesture, even if it made him feel sick. Thor looked as though he would be before he controlled his face. 

“You know that isn’t what I mean.” 

“Do I?” Loki turned away. “You don’t have to say anything, Thor. In fact, I would rather you didn’t.”

“You’ve had your say,” Thor said. “Why can I not have mine?” 

“I had-” Loki spun back toward him, temper flaring. “I _had my say? _Do you think I _wanted _to say - any of that? That if I had _any _choice, I would have…?”

“That isn’t the point,” Thor interrupted. “The point is - why do you have to make everything so-” He cut off, taking a deep breath, clearly trying to rein in his temper. “You are _trying _to push me away.” 

Loki fought to drag himself back under control. “Why would I do that?” 

Thor’s mouth twisted. “I don’t care why. Let me put this simply, and hopefully you will not misunderstand: you are my brother. No,” he said, when Loki opened his mouth. “Blood or no, you are. And yes, you anger me. You disappoint me. I have wanted, frequently of late, to throttle you.”

It was nothing Loki hadn’t known. It still made him want to curl up in a dark corner where he couldn’t be seen. He made his lip curl. “Thank you ever so much-”

“But that has _never,_” Thor said over him, “meant I did not love you.” 

There was a way Thor had of saying things that made them inarguable. Loki had no idea how he did it - it was as though he spoke the words and it just _was, _like the world bent itself to suit what he said, only it bent itself so it was as though it had always been true. Loki had always found it maddening.

Just now, it hit him like a club to the stomach. Because he could not believe it, _could not, _and yet when Thor said it like _that _it was true. Said it with all the sincerity in the world, all the weight of his conviction behind it, as though it was as simple as that. _You are my brother, and I love you._

As simple as that. As though it didn’t matter, as though none of it mattered, all the blood and the pain and the anger, what they’d done the night before - all of it nothing next to that simple and immutable fact.

Loki shuddered, the breath stolen from his lungs. He walked over to one of the chairs and sank down into it, suddenly shaky and unsteady. 

“Do you mean it?” Loki asked, his voice small and feeling rather stupid. 

“Do I - of course I mean it,” Thor said.

“After everything.”

“Do you think I’ve forgotten?” Thor sounded faintly annoyed. “I don’t mean that I’ve _forgiven _you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t…”

Loki couldn’t help it. He started laughing. Helplessly, uncontrollably, and Thor’s expression turned confused. “All this time,” Loki said, “and all it takes to get you to say so is an immortal madman forcing you to pleasure me. Why didn’t I try that before now?”

Thor jerked like Loki had slapped him. “That isn’t-”

“It seems,” he said, forcing the words out through increasingly ragged laughter, “that the Grandmaster did me a favor after all.” His eyes were starting to sting. “I’ll have to thank him, next time - next time-” 

He bent forward, putting his face in his hands. 

“That’s not how it is,” Thor said. “I didn’t know you thought - I thought you were _dead!_”

“I assumed you would like me better that way,” Loki said, brittle and bitter.

Thor was quiet for several seconds, and when he spoke it was quieter and he sounded...hurt, again. “Of course not,” he said. “I have never wanted...do you truly think so little of me?”

There was a peculiar pang in Loki’s chest, but he didn’t raise his eyes or drop his hands. “I don’t think little of you at all. That has always been part of the problem.” 

Silence fell between them. Loki heard Thor stand and pace away, and finally dropped his hands, looking at his back, his head bowed. 

“I lost mother, and then you, within a breath of each other,” Thor said. “One of the reasons I went to Midgard was because I could not stand seeing reminders of the two of you everywhere I turned.” 

Loki’s heart twisted in his chest. He opened his mouth and then closed it, his soul aching along with his body, and exhaustion swept over him, smothering the anger. “I’m sorry,” he said at length, the words bursting out of him as though the drugs were still at work.

Thor’s head swung around, visibly startled. Loki rubbed his forehead. “You are hardly the only one who has...I cannot say I should have told you. There were too many reasons it was better for me to be...but for your grief…” He trailed off. 

Thor just stared at him, and it was difficult to read his face, to see what he was thinking. Finally he laughed, weakly. “Norns, Loki,” he said. “How did we get here?” 

“Our mad sister knocked us out of the Bifrost,” Loki said dryly. Thor cast him a look that was a painfully familiar mixture of exasperation and fondness. 

“The Grandmaster,” he began, but Loki shook his head.

“Whatever you are going to say - whatever you think you can do - don’t bother. It is pointless, and…” He shrugged. “I am perfectly capable of going on as I have been.” 

Thor’s nostrils flared and he looked briefly as though he might be ill. “I didn’t ask if you were _capable,_” he said. “That doesn’t make it _right._”

Loki sighed. “Nothing here is _right,_” he said, and very carefully did not say _better me than you. _

There was only the briefest warning of a tap on the door before it opened and the subject of their conversation swept inside, accompanied by a slave bearing a platter. Loki felt the blood drain out of his face and leaned back without meaning to. The Grandmaster beamed at Thor, and then at him, though his face fell a little as he looked Loki over, and his nose wrinkled when he glanced at the floor.

“Ugh,” he said. “Let’s get someone in here to clean that up, huh? Feeling a little - a little worse for wear, babe?” 

Loki twitched. Thor did, too, though his looked more like he wanted to reach for a weapon and brain the Grandmaster with it. Loki wondered if the Grandmaster had been eavesdropping. “A bit,” he said.

The Grandmaster clicked his tongue and then turned toward Thor. “How about you, handsome? Feeling, hm...glad you cleared the air?” 

Thor’s lips tightened, but to Loki’s relief he seemed to control himself. His “what are you doing here,” left something to be desired, though, and the Grandmaster frowned at him.

“_Manners, _Sparkles,” he said. “You really - don’t have them, do you? Something to, hm, work on, I think.” Loki tensed, a frisson of dread running through him, but the Grandmaster was already pattering on. “But to answer your _question, _I was just...dropping by, checking in, and - brought some brunch!” He gestured at the slave with a flourish. “Thought you might want something to much on after such an..._emotionally grueling _night.”

The last thing Loki wanted to do was eat. The nausea was still lingering, and he didn’t trust anything the Grandmaster brought. “And will you be joining us?” He made himself ask. The Grandmaster waved a hand.

“No...no, I’m afraid not this morning. Things to do - _people _to do, ha, not _just _you, sweetheart.” Loki turned his head so he couldn’t see the way Thor might be looking at him. And so he didn’t have to look at Thor. “Just for the two of you to..._enjoy._” 

There was a weight on the last word, a suggestion that made Loki want to empty his stomach again despite the fact that there was nothing in it. A memory of Thor’s hand on him, his hoarse voice, the mingled revulsion and desperate lust.

He shoved it all down and cleared his throat. 

“I’m sure we will,” he said as smoothly as possible. “Thank you.” 

“Yes,” Thor said after a beat, his voice grating over his throat. “Thank you.” Loki could not help but be impressed. 

“_De_lightful,” the Grandmaster said. He floated over to Loki and tipped his chin up, giving him a generous, hungry kiss that could not have been more obvious about the staking of his claim. He pulled back and patted Loki’s cheek. “I really feel like we made a lot of progress. You know?”

Loki licked his lips and swallowed hard. “Yes,” Loki said on an exhale. “I think we both feel much better.” 

The Grandmaster smiled at him. “Of course you do,” he said. “But you know we’re not _done, _right?” 

Loki’s heart sank. Thor cleared his throat. “You were very...thorough,” he said, clearly choosing his words with care. “I can’t imagine-”

“Oh, but I can,” the Grandmaster said. “I can imagine a whole _lot. _And besides…” he turned away from Loki, slowly, his smile broadening. “We’ve only heard from _Loki. _Now, sweetheart...well, now we gotta hear from _you._”


End file.
